🩺 How I Review Gluten+Dairy Free Foods/Restaurant options/Recipes

Hi there! I’m a SAHM(stay-at-home mom) and former Pediatric Nurse Practitioner (mostly Peds GI) who loves bringing a little medical flair into food reviews. Since I live gluten free (celiac) + dairy free (EoE), I’ve created three playful systems to share my experiences.

In this blog, you’ll find my playful reviews with a medical twist—where I give FOODS a HEART Exam, RESTAURANTS a Vital Signs Check, RECIPES an Assessment, and share my TRAVEL experiences as someone navigating life gluten free and dairy free. Think of it as my way of still “charting,” only now it’s for snacks, meals, and adventures instead of little patients. Grab a seat, stay curious, and live safe, happy, and healthy with me! ✨

✨ Note: These are only my personal opinions based on my own health journey. I’m not your Nurse Practitioner. Always check with your own healthcare provider for your individual needs.

Disclosures
Celiac & EoE
Breakfast, Desserts, Snacks, Foods, Ingredients Mary Crisostomo Breakfast, Desserts, Snacks, Foods, Ingredients Mary Crisostomo

🩺 Today’s Patient: Fit Butters Seasonal Flavors (Pumpkin Spice, Banana Maple French Toast, Cinnamon Sugar Cookie & Charlie’s Famous Carrot Cake)

Tried-and-true taste test from your friendly gluten and dairy free NP! I’m breaking down Fit Butters’ fall flavors — from Pumpkin Spice with marshmallows to Banana Maple French Toast — and sharing which one got my Sinus Rhythm seal of approval.

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Foods, Snacks Mary Crisostomo Foods, Snacks Mary Crisostomo

Sweet Loren’s Cinnamon Sugar Breakfast Biscuits 🥖 HEART Exam Review | Gluten & Dairy Free

Certified gluten-free ✔️ dairy-free ✔️ allergen-free ✔️—but are Sweet Loren’s Cinnamon Sugar Breakfast Biscuits worth the hype (and the $$)? As a Pediatric NP (but not your NP 👩‍⚕️) and food allergy human, I ran them through my playful HEART Exam 🩺 to see if these biscuits get a healthy heartbeat… or flatline.

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❤️ The HEART Exam (For Packaged Foods + Snacks)

❤️ The HEART Exam (For Packaged Foods + Snacks)

A checkup for what’s in my pantry!

  • H = Health → Time for a checkup! Here, I’ll diagnose whether this food keeps my body in tip-top shape or if it’s more of a sugar rush than a wellness boost. Sugar CAN increase my dopamine (a happy/feel good hormone in the brain) so maybe this food will get a high rating because of my mental health.  Will it get a clean bill of health, or is it just here for a quick pulse of fun?

  • E = Eating (Taste Test) → Let’s scrub in for the taste test! Is this snack a spoonful of sugar, or does it need some flavor resuscitation (brought back to life)? I’ll share whether I eat it straight out of the package or jazz it up with a culinary procedure. And, of course, I’ll give you the pulse on my family’s verdict—is it met with applause or polite bedside manner?

  • A = Accessibility → Stat! Can I find this food in the wild aisles of my local grocery, or is it a rare specimen only found online? Are the costs stable, or will it send my wallet into cardiac arrest? I’ll give you the prognosis on availability and price.

  • R = Rhythm Rating → Here’s where I take the food’s vital signs!

    • Flatline means the food has no heartbeat in my kitchen (sorry, not making a comeback).

    • Bradycardic? It’s got a slow beat—okay in a pinch, but I won’t monitor it closely.

    • Sinus rhythm? That’s a healthy, steady favorite—if I see it, I’ll pick it up! And

    • Tachycardic? This food makes my heart race—I keep it stocked like life-saving epinephrine.

  • T = Tips/Tell Others → Paging all foodies! Would I shout about this snack from the hospital rooftops, or keep it confidential like provider–patient privilege? If it’s TikTok or tell my mom worthy, you’ll be the first to know!

🩺 Dining with Vital Signs: A Field Exam

Gluten- & Dairy-Free Restaurant Reviews

Dining out with food allergies isn’t casual — it’s a clinical exercise.
Each restaurant visit becomes a real-time risk assessment, complete with history-taking, consults, observation, and follow-up.

That’s where Dining with Vital Signs™ comes in.

I evaluate restaurants the same way I’d assess a patient — systematically, thoughtfully, and with safety as the priority.

 

🫀 Heart Rate — First Impressions

What was the vibe on arrival? Calm and organized, or chaotic and overstimulating?
Was a reservation needed, or could I walk in without triggering a stress response?
Bonus points for a warm greeting — the dining equivalent of a reassuring set of vitals.

 

🌬️ Respiratory — Service & Allergy Communication

I disclose my chronic conditions (gluten & dairy allergies).
Did the server respond with confident, “I’ve got this” energy — or need to consult the chef?
Clear protocols lower my anxiety; uncertainty raises it.

 

🧠 Neuro Check — Cleanliness & Safety

Bathroom access, cleanliness, and handwashing matter.
If basic hygiene feels off, my trust drops — fast.
A clean environment supports safe dining.

 

🍽️ GI System — Food & Tolerance

Taste, texture, substitutions, allergy flags, and preparation details all matter here.
This is where the meal is truly evaluated — both for enjoyment and tolerance.

 

📈 Vital Signs Summary

Each dish receives a Rhythm Rating, reflecting whether I’d reorder it or return for it.

 

🩹 Discharge Instructions

Final thoughts, recommendations, and whether this restaurant earns a return visit.
Chart closed.

 

💓 Rhythm Rating Legend

💓 Tachycardia — Love it. Would return just for this.
💗 Sinus Rhythm — Solid, dependable choice.
💙 Bradycardia — Meh. Probably wouldn’t rush back.
🖤 Flatline — No thank you.

 

🥼 How I Review Recipes (My Kitchen Charting System)

🧾 Symptoms
What are the ingredients, and which ones did I need to swap for my gluten- and dairy-free needs? Were there hidden allergens lurking in the fine print?

👀 Initial Examination
First impressions count! Was the recipe straightforward—or did I need a “brain break” after reading it three times? (Totally me 🙋‍♀️). Could I modify ingredients without causing a recipe crash?

🩺 Treatment Plan
Step-by-step, let’s talk through the procedure! Were the directions clear, or did I feel like I needed a consult?

⚠️ Side Effects
Any issues with my tissues? Did I make errors that couldn’t be fixed with culinary white-out? Were there tricky steps I’ll need to remember next time—or did I have to phone a friend (aka my mom) for backup?

📊 Prognosis
My final charting note: overall impression, would I make it again, or is it time to discharge this recipe for good?