🍔 Baby Boi’s Burger — A College Homecoming Meal
Today’s patients:
Kinder’s Wood-Fired Garlic Seasoning
Whole Foods 80/20 Beef
Strong Roots Proper Fries
Carbonaut GF Buns
365 Frozen Broccoli Florets
Sweet Loren’s Salted Caramel Cookies 🍪
🩺 H = Health
Baby Boi came home for a quick 15-hour pit stop, which in mom-NP land = burger ER shift.
Whole Foods was today’s pharmacy run 💊:
🥩 80/20 Beef → Protein, iron, zinc = NP-approved.
🍟 Strong Roots Fries → crispy therapy + potassium.
🍞 Carbonaut GF Buns → 30g fiber ⚠️ (bowel side effects = probable).
🥦 Broccoli → vitamin C, calcium, immune boost.
🍪 Cookies → dopamine regulators.
✅ MyPlate covered: protein ✔ carbs ✔ veggies ✔ (and yes, fries count as “from the ground”). Reminder: foods above the ground are usually lower in carbs than below-ground ones like potatoes. Doesn’t mean one is “better” — both are way better than something from a conveyor belt.
🍳 E = Eating/Experience (How I cooked it)
🍔 Burgers → 2 lbs beef + 1 egg 🥚 + almond flour crackers + Kinder’s Garlic Seasoning. Formed into 5 massive patties. Grilled to 160°F (per USDA). Juicy, thick, and SO flavorful. The seasoning = 🔥 smoky garlic bliss.
🍟 Fries → Air fryer, 400°F, 20 mins. Package said 12. Lies. Thick cut, crispy outside, fluffy inside.
🥦 Broccoli → Quick sauté in avo oil + Kinder’s. No sad stems, just good crowns. Solid sidekick.
🍞 Buns → Thawed, warmed, failed. Hard, dense, everyone ditched them. Flatline.
🍪 Cookies → 325°F, 14 mins. Ooey, gooey, caramel heaven. Didn’t survive until dinner. Family = cookie bandits.
💰 A = Accessibility/Affordability
Whole Foods prices (Chicago burbs):
Beef → $10.95 (2 lbs)
Fries → $4.49
Buns → $7.49 (tragic waste)
Broccoli → $2.49 (½ bag used)
Sweet Loren’s Cookies → $7.49
Kinder’s Woodfired Garlic Seasoning….Costco$6.89 not Wholefoods
Overall: 💸 Whole Foods always = quality, but also = ouch.
❤️🔥 R = Rating
Kinder’s Wood-Fired Garlic Seasoning → ❤️ Tachycardia! Pantry staple.
Burgers (with my hack) → ❤️ Tachycardia! Forever family favorite.
Strong Roots Fries → 💓 Sinus rhythm. Will repurchase.
Broccoli → 💓 Sinus rhythm.
Carbonaut GF Buns → 🖤 Flatline. Never again.
Sweet Loren’s Salted Caramel Cookies → ❤️ Tachycardia for taste, 🚫 not an everyday food.
🗣 T = Tell Mom
Already bragged about my burger hack (thanks Gordon Ramsay for the egg trick). I’ll definitely tell her about the fries + broccoli — great quality. The cookies? Dangerous. The buns? I’ll spare her the disappointment.
⚠️ Disclaimer: I’m a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner, but not your NP. This review is for fun, education, and entertainment only — not medical advice.
✨ Live safe, happy, healthy.
